5 ways to start fixing your sexless relationship today
When you met your partner, you felt a tremendous sense of passion toward them. This manifested on both an emotional and physical level. The two of you were inseparable, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You got married and felt like you were on top of the world. You couldn’t imagine you’d ever be in a sexless marriage .
Over time, you’ve found yourself coping with a no-sex marriage . Things have sputtered out. The relationship is still intact, but you’ve lost that necessary intimacy you need to keep your love alive. Don’t sit back and accept a sexless relationship as normal. You can not only learn how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating – you can learn to reconnect with your partner and bring back the passion.
What causes a sexless relationship?
Most couples don’t choose to be in a sexless relationship . It’s often something that happens gradually – the newness of the relationship wears off and the passion goes with it. New relationship stressors appear, like long work hours, financial stress or a new baby, and you never seem to recover. Weeks turn into months with no intimacy, and you find yourself in a no-sex marriage .
A sexless marriage can also be caused by both emotional and physical health issues. Depression or stress, as well as many medications, can decrease libido. You may also find your libidos were mismatched to begin with, or that you’re never “in the mood” at the same time. And if you’re constantly in conflict , you may rarely feel in the mood.
But what’s wrong with this description of a sexless marriage ? You’re not taking responsibility for your life . You’re not addressing the root problem and asking yourself what you could be doing to fix it. Even health issues can be overcome with the right strategy to create intimacy in new ways. You’re wondering how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating when the real question is, how can my marriage thrive again?
Can a sexless marriage survive?
The short answer is that yes, a sexless marriage can survive – but it can come at a cost. If one partner desires sex but the other is uninterested, lack of sex can lead to decreased intimacy and connection, feelings of resentment and even infidelity. Even in situations where both partners are on the same page – both have low sex drives, there is a physical distance like military deployment or a disability or medical condition causing the sexless marriage – the couple must be vigilant about creating intimacy in other ways.
If you’re in the first type of sexless marriage – one where uneven sex drives or other relationship problems are making you feel disconnected and unloved – it’s essential that you work on restoring passion and intimacy . Often, a sexless marriage can survive only because the partners convince themselves it’s normal, and they must keep a brave face. Don’t fall into this trap. While everyone responds to losing the physical aspect of their marriage in a different way, do not let it become the new normal.
How to fix a sexless marriage
First, change your mindset. Instead of agonizing over how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating , commit to reigniting that lost sense of passion . Learn what you can do in a sexless marriage that will allow you to regain that physical intimacy and connection.
1. Realign your polarity
In order to thrive, a relationship needs masculine and feminine energies. These contrasting energies are similar to the negative and positive charges on a magnet – when together, this creates polarity in a relationship . Feminine energy focuses more on emotion and connection, while the driving force behind masculine energy is working toward an end goal. Regardless of gender, there must be masculine energy in one partner and feminine energy in the other for a relationship to succeed.
Examine the roles you and your partner have taken on in your marriage. Have they changed over time? Did the partner with feminine energy take on a new role that requires more results-driven traits? Has the masculine energy source had to step down from being the provider?
If you’ve begun asking whether your sexless marriage can survive, you and your partner may have already been embodying energies that don’t suit you for a long time. Perhaps the masculine partner needs to feel that they are providing for your family more, or the feminine partner wants to feel able to care for the masculine partner. Returning these energies to where they belong – again, regardless of your physical genders – will help push the emotional dial of your relationship back toward passion.
Create special and meaningful family activities
Organize a weekly family game night, have a picnic in the backyard, or go play mini golf. I love to take long walks with my family at nearby parks because it gives us a chance to be active and have great conversations. Ask for ideas from your older kids and let them get involved in deciding where to go too.
You are the one in charge of keeping track of doctor’s appointments, signing permission slips, bringing potluck dishes, remembering birthdays, writing cards, staying on top of of clothes and sizes, knowing what’s in the fridge and pantry, never letting the house run out of toilet paper, just to name a few.
Use planners, apps, and other resources to keep track of your never ending to-do’s and let go of some of the mental weight. For me, I add events to a shared calendar so that my husband can easily see what’s coming up and help out. I also use Google Keep as a place to make lists and take notes because it has easy to share capabilities.